Red Letters

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:15:24 GMT

It's 9am and I'm still the only one up. Too bad I no longer seem to have the ability to use that time to sleep more myself! I can't imagine what Ro and Lan did together yesterday that has her still snoozing. I've been sorting through my organizer some more, in the unending quest to fit in bills, chores, meals, work, sitters, and workouts without conflict. I got paid yesterday, which is a great big wootywoot. Makes me feel a bit less bummish to have a paycheck stub in my purse. Target ones are so hokey! Even the checks are covered in those bright red bullseye logos. Lookit me! I work at Target! Unfortunately the whole darn check is already spent. Stupid bills.
It's actually been a great week on the job front here. Eric got a second job at the Movie Tavern, so he'll be able to start paying rent again. I dunno if you have those in LA; I've never seen one. I know we took Bobby and Vanessa once. You get a server and order a real meal while you watch the movie. We have one by our house, and while the idea is awesome, the servers are always horrific. I think Eric will get amazing tips as people are pleasently surprised by his competence. Course now the poor guy is working seven days a week, just like on the cruiseship. I feel really bad that he has to do that, but I tell myself it's his choice. He wanted to still keep the Gamestop job even though it's only one or two days a week because he liked the perks. But we couldn't keep afloat with a one day a week paycheck! I miss having him around too. I got used to having him on my couch all day. I loved the company.
My dad has also finally gotten a job. I can not express what a huge relief that is to our whole family. Poor guy's been unemployed and trying to stay afloat with one time gigs for two years now. He's working at a university managing their theater. No teaching or anything like that, just actual theater managment - everything from ticket sales to making sure the visiting dancing troup has hemp towels. It's interesting to me that they hired someone for that. At LaTech we just used the free grad student slave labor. It's certainly a stretch from NBC5, but he's always seemed really interested in that aspect of my own college experience. I think not only will he do great, but he'll enjoy himself. Plus he'll get all the university holidays off.
It's after nine, and Rowen's stirring. Time to clean out the kitcchen cupboards, marinate lunch, do my workout, and start some laundry before I head off to Starbucks. Bizy bizy bizy...

when in doubt, haiku to decide

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 03:09:44 GMT

espresso or tea
carry me past weariness
no energy drinks

Mish

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 22:09:48 GMT

How did one hour's time change give me so much extra time?! I've gotten a surprising amount of stuff done today. Granted, I wasn't scheduled to work, and that always helps. I'm back to my previous MO of running around on my days off trying to get to everything. But I'm actually feeling done. And it's only four! It's like someone picked up the "S" and the "Y" with their giant fingertips and streeetched Sunday out.

Lanham's watching anime behind me, and there is a lot of shrieking. Seems everyone thinks that everyone else is a murderer while overlooking murders they themselves committed. It's sort of like kindergarten with ninjas. Ninja Kindergarten. Now there is an anime I would watch.

So now it's time for the holidays. My mom and dad are coming over to our house for Thanksgiving this year. Sigh. I just know Mom's going to say something arch about eating a helpless turkey and then Lanham won't be able to help saying something back. At least I have tv this year and can watch the parade! I used to love the parade. I love that at least once a year, people still dance in the streets. Sure they're proffesional broadway folk. But it's happening. One of my greatest fantasies is being downtown, any downtown, on an average day, and starting a dance in the streets. I think I need more charisma first. And preferably a band. And possibly airborn narcotics for the crowd. It's a work in progress. It'll probably happen about the same time I manage to sing on a jazz piano in a red sequin dress...

Well happy November all. Can't wait to see what happens this month...

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:49:09 GMT

Dis is Hadaween dis is Hadaween punkins scweam inna dearda night

My biggest regret this Halloween is that Rowen watched The Nightmare Before Christmas, her favorite movie, so much that it's scratched beyond watching. We watched Young Frankenstein and The Corpse Bride instead, which is also fun, but I miss Jack.

We took Rowen to pick out a costume and she chose a dragon suite. Huh. She's going to get a lot of "what a cute little boy" since her hair is covered up by the outfit. It doesn't bother me, but I'm curious to see if she'll notice or correct. My new favorite Rowen story right now is seeing her run through the house, brandishing her stick "sword", and crying "Don't worry prince! I'll save you!"
Damn straight.

Rowen's Godmother Lauren and her boyfriend John are trick or treating with us tomorrow. This has turned into something of a life marker for both of us. When I was little, I lived in a crappy neighborhood, so every Halloween, we would drive to Lauren's house in a nicer area and trick or treat with them, and then come back to the house for Little Ceasar's pizza. This year, we're doing the same thing with Ro, still at her Mom's house, still Little Ceasar's. The circle of Halloween life continues. They're going as pirates. Lan is borrowing his dad's gear and going as a cowboy. I still have no earthly idea what I'm going to be. As luck would have it, I get paid the week after Halloween, so storebought is out. Any ideas I have come up involve more prep time than I'll have. I'll be working tomorrow, then coming home and throwing costumes on everyone. Sigh. I pray the genius creativity of the legendary Hannah May costumistress would visit me this day.

Tonight we're carving pumpkins.

After that will be complicated holliday juggling feats of work and sitters and a recently finalized divorce in the Grandparent set. I think maybe that's why Halloween is my favorite holiday. It has all the dressing up and magic and decoration, without much in the way of family nonsense.

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 18:29:01 GMT

I just did my weekly planning. I started using my gmail calender because the paper ones were getting covered in chicken scratch. Cutting, copying, and deleting are more legible, if slightly more time consuming. These days I have to track my work schedule, Lanham's work schedule, Eric's work schedule, Rowen's sitter times and people, along with any days sitters have told me they aren't available, my chores, when I can work out, and a meal plan for Lan's picky tum. Sigh. If I ever manage to go back and get my degree, at least my brain will be in good shape.

Speaking of which, it's nap time for Ro and then yoga time for me. How American am I that I wish there was a faster way to do Yoga?!

lagniappe

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 23:11:12 GMT

I... am... pooped. Pooped but positive. Work is still in the training stage, and will be through at least part of next week. There is a lot, and I mean a lot, of training. Had I known Starbucks trained this much about coffee, I would have been banging on the door! OK so it's a lot of work, and my brain is fried, but whoda thunk I could actually learn stuff from Mr. Big Bad and Pretentious Corporation? I'm having fun! I've actually spent several hours learning how to taste test properly, and then taste testing and critiquing. Cool.
Course my family and I have gotten accustomed to a certain standard of living, and trying not to backslide has been pretty exhausting too. I'm still trying to stay on top of the house, and all the meals, and the workouts. My enthusiasm for working out has especially waned. But since I'm in the rest week before phase three, now is a really bad time to quit. Sigh.
In other news, I'm so excited and proud and touched by the wonderful news from Erin and Carl. Welcome to the world baby Adam! I wish I could head down there now, but with a brand new job, that's not really doable. I hope to come down in a few months, maybe after Christmas is over and work slows, and be a free babysitter or something. In the meantime, my love to the new little family.
And finally in Emily news, Rowen has picked out her outfit for Halloween. She picked a dragon costume and delights in wearing it and "raaah"ing at people. I love that little girl.

Found

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 02:45:04 GMT

Ramsey's had his ups and downs over the years. In 2006, he got a virus, and in order to rehabilitate, he had to be wiped. I put it off for some time, even though he was non-functional, because I hated to hit the "kill button" that would wipe it all. My scripts, college notes, foolish pictures... I was already on my way out, and I felt like I was cutting the thread between my college years and an unknown future. Eventually though, it happened. I re-installed, re-customized, and got back together with him.

I recently bumped the keyboard and inadvertently saved a video somewhere with a nonsense file name. I've been trying to find the darn thing, and yesterday I had time to kill, so I just ran a system wide search for videos, since I shouldn't have that many. What turned up were the usual Rowen baby vids, the missing video, and a set of Firefly episodes streamed to me before Ramsey'd been wiped. WTF? I looked up the location, retraced it, and found... everything. It was hidden in a sub file in a weird place that I hadn't ever even bothered to look through. All my old Frothy Monkey pics, my Shakespeare paper, theater projects, Lilly's photo shoot from like 2004... Plus a bunch of stuff was in there that I'd re-uploaded after the wipe. No wonder Ramsey's memory is so small. No wonder the poor guy's been a bit arthritic. So I've spent the whole afternoon reminising, cleaning out, uninstalling, and defragging. I want pationately to end this amazing evening with a trip to Sundown. After so many memories, I feel the only thing that can really do the day justice is a Newcastle on the patio. And if I had more gas in the tank I'd be this close to driving down tonight and then driving back. Barring that, I'm drinking the last Guiness from the fridge, smiling, listening to an old Brandt Cooley track, and clicking through what I've found...

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 00:16:46 GMT

Orientation Tuesday at 5pm. I am a Starbucksing Targeteer.

I find zen in the strangest places

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 13:37:06 GMT

I love crowds. I think I'm secretly touchy-feely to that point of creepiness, and just barely keeping it in check. I love hugs, sure. But I love crowds, and being jostled, and bumping into people, even things. I swear that's why I hit doorways. I love moshpits and cuddling with equal passion. I think it's even partly why I love to fight. Have fun with that one Mr. Psych! "So vat jur sayink iz ju fight zo jur opponent vill touch ju? Eeenterestink..."

I bring this up because I am hungry for a big crowded area, but lacking the funds or appropriate friends to do so. I live in DFW. It should not be hard to find a club or bar packed to explosion. Unfortunately this sounds like Lanhams worst nightmare apart from sharks. And I just barely kind of got a job with paychecks still weeks away. Plus the only local friend I have that would go do stuff like that with me is my sweet little wild child Derek, who haunts the gay district in Dallas. And while going to a gay bar is one of the things on my list of things to do before I'm 83, it's a sign of my increasing age that I don't want to go all the way to Dallas to party and then have to drive home. I'm my own monkey wrench. Give it a few more weeks though, and I may be giving Derek a call.

(Most Likely) Employed!

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:17:40 GMT

Third interview this morning. I've got the job with the proviso that I pass the background check and the pee test. So I've got the job heh. I've never had to take a drug test ever somehow. It was interesting. No flushing, no washing, initial initial initial, ok now you can wash, check the pee temperature... Seems like a lot of creative people have tried to get around things in the past.
Target orientations are only once a week on tuesdays, so most likely I won't start work until next week which is fine because this weekend is Lan and I's anniversary and we have plans anywho.

I'm kind of excited. I know I'll feel a little less panicky with my own paycheck coming in again, and I can't wait to play with the big machines. The Starbucks espresso machine is to me what a forklift is to men. Hur hur hur.

Du Dunkelheit, aus der ich stamme

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 15:09:53 GMT

You , darkness, of whom I am born --

I love you more than the flame
that limits the world
to the circle it illumines
and excludes all the rest

But the dark embraces everthing
shapes and shadows, creatures and me,
people, nations -- just as they are.

It lets me imagine
a great presence stirring beside me.

I believe in the night.

Rainer Maria Rilke

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 21:32:44 GMT

Went to the interview. Got called in for interview number two. Now I'm up to interview number three, which cannot done until Monday when their head of staff or whatever is scheduled again. So that gives all the other places I've applied at three days to call begging for me. Heh. I think it went pretty well. It sounds like Starbucks is an anal bitch with their contract stores like Target. Everything must be by the book and they get checked up on regularly. Still, with as many stores and stores within stores as they have, you kind of have to be a control freak just to maintain consistency. We'll see how everything goes. I got warning about a couple things including Black Friday (I'd be there at 4 am) and extended holiday hours (Target will be open till midnight). But unlike last year, I would not be salary and thus would be paid for the crappy hours.
I think this could be a good thing. Target discounts are nothing to sneeze at, and if I do later want to move on, I bet it's easier to get a job at another Starbucks if you've already done their training, which is long and detailed. Now I just have to wait until Monday.

I shall go to sleep generally pleased

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 02:56:34 GMT

I haven't had tv much over the years. I never saw the last Friends episode. Heck I never watched Friends. I missed all the big baby moments, cancer reveals, final shows. Tonight, my roommate my husband and I got together on the couch and watched Pam and Jim get married on the Office. It wasn't earth shattering. But I felt imense satisfaction knowing that for once I was in on it. I may still have never seen half the stuff I'm supposed to have already been exposed to as an American Citizen. But tonight, I was on the right couch at the right time.

Also, I finally got a call back. It's for the Starbucks in the Target by my house. Not the most glamorous job ever, but it's coffee, it's near my house, and we'd get a Target discount which is nothing to sneeze at. Especially since Christmas was one of the reasons I wanted to work in the first place.

Here's hoping.

Gheridelli Double Chocolate Coffee

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 19:53:03 GMT

I have now filled out applications to Starbuckses in Targets. This is getting silly.

Just to spite, I made sure to drink a competitor's coffee while I filled out the astoundingly in depth online application complete with a 30 question multiple choice about my personality.

Take that! But still hire me.

Trick or Treat Till the Neighbors All Die of Fright

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 19:30:57 GMT

Today has been an exciting day. First, Rowen didn't come into our room last night so I got a full eight hours. Then, I got a brand new work out with new lame Tony jokes. It's the second phase of my P90X and the only new routine is chest, shoulders, and triceps. It's sad that I'm so relieved to hear new though equally lame Tony comments. It was kind of a bummer because I had been doing shoulders and arms and had gotten pretty good, just up to the next set of weights. Now I suck all over again and had to concede to the previous set. Still exciting though, if painful. Finally it's October 1st, and I can finally allow myself to put up the Halloween decorations! Rowen and I spent all morning playing with eyeballs and other similar mother daughter bondings. That's normal right? I've decided my decorations, though awesome and treasured and well loved, are a bit ghoulish for a two year old. Willie the talking pirate skull in particular freaks her out, and I had to mount it high enough that the only way to set him off is to jump or wave. Target has a younger and more colorful line of Halloween stuff that is still quirky enough to avoid tooth aching cuteness, and I think I will be investing in some if I get a job soon. It's funny the things that don't feak her out though. The eyeballs for one, or the goopy bloody handprints I stuck to the window. She thinks they're funny. It reminds me of when she was a little six month old watching Daddy play God of War and lauging as the demon dogs yelped and died. Granted as soon as I saw that I banned God of War during baby shift. But sometimes I think she's got more than a little of my humor.

Tonight I'm making spiced tea and pumpkin risotto. Happy Fall!

Um, the lotto, the trip, and working out?

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 17:48:09 GMT

I bought my first lotto ticket with the vague idea of destressing Lanham and bailing my dad out. I did not in fact win the lotto. There are plenty of other ways to destress Lanham (hur hur) but I still wish I could bail out my dad.
The good news is that's the only bad news. I am ready to rock this trip. I've been doubling up on chores, making lists, and listening to Bobby's music because it's more awesome than mine. Plus after KempoX earlier today I am officially in my break week and on my way to phase two. I have actual muscles you can feel. Awesome. Not too mention that means break week is the same time as trip week which is serendipitus indeed. I don't want to lug a chin up bar everywhere.

I've been a little irritated by my circular weight pattern recently. I loose and gain roughly three pounds daily, with no further loss. True my clothes are getting less tight so I comfort myself with the hope that it's muscle weight. However, given that I'm about to go on vacation and probably dash madly away from my diet on several occasions, I thought it might not be a bad idea to be proactive and try and lose a couple ahead of time. I did my usual emergency juice thing, and that would normally do the trick if my mom didn't call asking about my cake tonight. Riiight I forget we were going over there tonight for my birthday. And she's fixing me mashed potatoes. And cake. Hmmm. This could be the spanner in my juice.
Whatever. Even if I do gain some Louisiana tummy this week, I'm still doing my workout, I've still got two phases left in P90X, and hopefully I can get rid of it with time. Bring on the cake Mom. Er, make it a thin slice?

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 15:07:39 GMT

I'm being nagged by my own lj site.

Today should be the (pathetically) record breaking first day of my third week in P90X. And I'm sitting here trying to put it off because my head is pounding and the coffee I drank to make it better has upset my stomach. That alone is enough to make me clean up my act and look for the second coming, but I digress. Anyway here I am trying to rationalize my way out, and the friggin advertising banner is a P90X ad with a flabby man magicking into a ripped one. Sigh.

On the one hand I have a quivering tummy and a pounding headache.
On the other hand I haven't had coffee in days because it didn't sound good and now that I've drank some I feel sick. Thus the end is nigh. And only the fit survive the end days. And I can't be fit if I don't work out.

Damn.

Just as long as it's gone by New Orleans

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 14:48:33 GMT

still... sick...

Rescue Grandpa came by and picked up Ro for the day. I took the random pill of the day, and now I'm debating crawling into bed or trying to get done some of the stuff that's been sliding this week. Laudry's piling up, Rowen's room looks like I had octoplets, dishes in the sink look like Jenga and there is no humorous way to describe my bathroom. The pills on the other hand are funny. When I got sick for two months straight back in Nov and Dec, I bought all kinds of brands waiting for the one that would work. Now I have boxes and bottles with one or two doses left, and I'm just cleaning out the medicine cabinet so to speak. This morning I had alkaseltser day time, and that is revolting. I nearly threw up, which would have added another symptom to my laundry list. If things aren't better by tonight, I'm bringing out the big guns. Yes, alcohol. Whiskey toddies and tequila in orange juice. Worst case scenario, I get a hangover that cancels out my other symptoms. Best case, my Mexican Kitchen Buddies have been right all along.

*frowns* wait, am I out of whiskey? Drat. I think I'm out of whiskey.

Working out and my throught. There's a dirty comment in there somewhere.

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 16:49:44 GMT

I didn't work out yesterday. I have a sore throught and a headache and the accompanying depressive attitude. Has not gone away today. Every time I start this P90X thingy, the second week I get some kind of injury or something and get de-railed. I have started the dratted program 5 times. Just once I'd like to make it to the second stage. So today I have promised myself I will go do it, even though today is legs, back, and abb ripper (cringe). I am not really stoked about this.

I've taken to watching more of my old favorite movies. Not coincidentally these usually feature athletic and beautiful super women, kung fu, and guns. Aeon Flux, UltraViolet, Serenity, etc. I have a streak of competitiveness, though it's burried deep. Filling my head with that sort of Holywood Brainwash while dreaming of the day when I can succesfully defend myself with ease against hordes hungering for my brains is exactly the kind of foolish motivation that works for me. It's immature, but it's the truth.

But I don't waaana use the pullup bar.

Get out there and pull your enormous butt up by your scrawny arms now

Fine. Meanie.

Is it just me, or does this sound more like a husband posting about his wife?

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 14:19:43 GMT

My phone started ringing off the hook with 8 min left on my workout. After two calls I paused the dvd and answered the "emergency". The emergency was a snippy husband with something that certainly could have waited until I was done. Now I too am irritable, I couldn't even finish the workout. This is no way to start a morning. I am currently trying to convince myself that this is good. At least I didn't want to be interupted, as opposed to leaping for the opportunity to stop. I am also promising myself that a shower and a strong cup of coffee will repair and reset. I hope I'm right. Right now, I'm still in the highly unusual state of fighting mad.

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 02:43:51 GMT

Why anyone is surprised to see the past rise again like a sad and cliche zombi when they've been walking around the graveyard hopefully clutching a shovel is beyond my comprehension.

labor day!

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 18:34:51 GMT

best weekend! And not just because it was a three day. And not just because it was the first time I've had labor day off since I've been working. It was because I had friends in town. **Stand by for bragging** Bobby won first place at a chess tournament after hours and days of thinking and staring and marshalling his little wooden troops. And for a change, Vanessa came down too because for once she didn't have work or weddings. So while Bobby marched his way across the board, we went shopping and sightseeing. Vanessa got sexed up in some new highheels that I am so very pleased with. We ate ice cream which I never get. And we even got whistled at walking down the street, and I haven't been whistled at in ages. I loved having the company, and I loved the extended weekend. I was completely wiped last night, and crashed early. But I woke up rejuvenated and ready to kick housewifely butt once again. I can't remember the last time I got to spend so much time with friends. And I'm going back over again in a matter of weeks. Spoiled rotten to the core.

The supersticious caveman in me

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 15:54:12 GMT

Today is typically my midweek cleaning day. I have two (the other's saturday) because I have a toddler and an adult son and a husband. But tomorrow my mom and dad are taking Ro the whole day, so I swapped chores with thursday so I could get some real deep clean done tomorrow without the monkey literally on my back. And with my typically circular and drawn out story telling, that brings me to today being bills and odd jobs day instead. I hate that day. I have a deep terror of bills, probably because of a couple winters past. Paying one accelerates my heartrate and I avoid paying them just to escape the panic attack. That's why everything that can be autopayed is. Checking my bank acct balance is even worse. I almost never do that because it's so scary. Don't worry, there's money in it. But everytime I'm convinced that I'll open it and the money will be gone, and worse, there will be a red negative number in there again. See, I'm tearing up just thinking about it. It's so outrageously rediculous and irrational. Especially now that I'm not earning money that I myself deposit into my account, I've gotten more hyper crazy or whatever you want to call it. It's really embaressing.
So today was bill day and I brewed coffee and gathered up all the paperwork and camped out at the desk in my room, and I did it. And now I have that battle won high that I get whenever I do what scares the heck out of me. And all before 11 am. It's stupid and white middle class lame of me, but tackling it all and getting it done makes me want to run around and "raah" at stuff like the ignorant and supersticious modern caveman that I am. Fortunately Rowen is two and thinks it's hilarious instead of embaressing. And tomorrow I can super clean and feel like a normal in control American mom.

If I water him will I harvest little baby couch potatoes?

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:02:20 GMT

Ok here's the thing. I do still really love having boys, and lots of them, in my house. Truly. They've been fairly good about toilet seats and dirty dishes, and while they hog the remote, the only show currently on that I enjoy is the International Sexy Ladies Show, which they don't mind watching anyway.
Aaand here's the but. Caleb's still here on our couch, and his last day of work was last week. So now he sleeps in until 11 or 12 every day on the couch. And because our house is so open, it traps Rowen and I in our rooms because she's 2 and doesn't know how to sssh well. I can't clean the house, cook, or do much of anything. And he's just like Lanaham, a total bear when he gets woken up. I understand, he's about to go back to school, lots of early mornings, get your sleep while you can, etc. But I am starting to get a teensy bit irritated. Can't he just find a girlfriend with an apartement like the rest of us?
Ok, so I'm being mean. But the greatest crime of all, I can't use the damn coffee grinder, and it's ten o clock, and there is no coffee. Hell hath no fury...

"And in the morning, I'm making waffles!"

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 01:20:28 GMT

Today was the third day I haven't gone to work, and I think it's finally sinking in that it's not just "my days off". Being jobless for however long we chose is scary and limiting in some ways, especially financially. But it is freeing in so many others. I'm able to go to the Louisiana shower that I never would have made otherwise, with another roadtrip planned in September as well. And I haven't gotten bored. The first day I set up a housekeeping regime like I used to have the last time I stayed home. Every day has tasks, with another running list of busy work on the next page. If I run out of stuff, I just check that. And if I do decide to flip through my new cable channels or surf, I don't feel guilty like I used to. I'm secure in the knowledge that I've done what I needed to for my household. I've made a super cute sundress out of an old spiderman shirt, updated the pictures in our collage frames, and I'm considering trying my hand at gardening again, though I still worry about cruelty to the plants.

What a household it is too! I have Caleb, my brother in law, sleeping on our couch until school starts later in the month. Eric has moved into his room. Lanham is here the least because now he works the most hours, which feels strange to me. And of course Rowen bosses the whole house. I keep having to remind myself how much more food you need for three boys instead of one boy and a tiny two year old. My houswarming party was more succesful in respect to visitors than I could have dreamed. Everyone had fun, and now they know where we live, and most days, there's an extra body on the couch - er Caleb's bed. Good thing he's a nightowl.

I don't know how long we can keep this up, and I would never stress my family's situation for personal gain, but right now, I am 100% content.